“Couples who choose pre-marital counselling have lower divorce rates and higher levels of marital quality”
Fawcitt et al., 2010
Whether you are in the process of embarking upon a civil partnership, a marriage, a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a long-term commitment with your partner, the expectation of an 'ideal' relationship with a 'fairy tale' ending can lead to inevitable disappointments and disillusionments. Couples therapy is not reserved for those who are in a relationship that is facing challenges. Newly established relationships which are intended to be fostered and maintained in the future, need to be considered and cherished in an act of self-care whereby possible issues such as differences in values and life goals, blending families, financial constraints, or differences in sexual desire may emerge.
When single individuals transition into a committed relationship, whether or not this is within one of the defined frameworks, there is a need to recognize that the level of commitment in this transition may vary between them. This pace difference and the significant changes in one's life may cause anxiety, trigger insecurities, or bring back memories of unpleasant past experiences. The purpose of pre-commitment therapy is to help couples work through issues they may be struggling with before fully committing. In the case of couples who are not facing any issues, the purpose of pre-commitment therapy is to identify potential problem areas that could become issues later on and to learn tools to create a happy, healthy relationship going forwards.
I have structured a unique pre-commitment therapy plan consisting of 6 sessions which can take place either face-to-face or online. There will be an initial session of 60 minutes and 5 remaining sessions of 50 minutes each to be attended by both partners over a period of 6 weeks. Our joint task will be to tailor the sessions to reflect your individual needs and concerns as a couple while also thinking about the ways in which strong foundations can be built from the start. In a safe and non-judgemental space, we will think about possible concerns that may have the potential to become issues later on. We will also consider useful skills and habits that can be implemented to manage expectations, improve the sense of empathy, and to enhance ways of compromising and communicating successfully.
We will explore what has brought you together as a couple and we will look at the similarities and differences you may have with regards to your expectations and values, and your own unique ways of communicating and interacting as a couple. We will be exploring issues such as family of origin, race, culture, expectations about sex, partnerships, marriage, and finances, and we will determine if any of these could represent a challenge and if so how to tackle them together.
We will discuss and set realistic expectations about what love looks like over time. Successful marriages or long-term commitments require intentional work to show and maintain the same level of love and sexual desire over time. Together we will explore the idea of both good and bad times in a relationship, changes and transitions in the individual and in the couple, romantic love and attachment, and what are some of the ways to enhance mutual feelings of love and respect.
We will address the important role of empathy and love, particularly in disagreements. We will also address the importance of listening to each other and feeling heard while in conflicting situations, looking at how to appreciate differences whilst fostering mutual understanding. Used consistently, empathy as a tool can shift the style of arguments from one of blaming to one of understanding each other more clearly with a capacity to compromise.
We will focus on how one can be able to clearly identify and express needs and desires, so that they can be communicated effectively to each other.
While these can change over time the key is to find a healthy balance between meeting one’s own needs and meeting the needs of one's partner. We will address issues such as work, household chores, and parenting/co-parenting.
We will think together how conflicts and conflicts come about and how these may lead to an unnecessary sense of triumph or resentment. We will also consider how to effectively address conflicts, manage needed timeouts, reach compromises, and learn how to apologise when necessary.
We will discuss how to engage in a creative and dynamic sex life by looking at ways in which to identify and address responsible desire. We will also discuss how to cope with changes in desire levels and low desire periods which are an inevitable aspect of any long-term partnership.
I can be reached by mobile phone, email or by filling in the form in the CONTACT ME section, to which I will respond within the next working day. We will then engage in a brief (10-15 minute) conversation. If it feels appropriate, we will schedule the initial assessment and planning session either face-to-face or online. The initial session will be scheduled at an agreed time and will be 60 minutes in duration.
The plan consists of 6 sessions, one of 60 minutes (assessment and planning) and 5 of 50 minute sessions which should preferably take place on a weekly basis at a day and time agreed upon in advance. The plan can be modified at any stage to reflect any particular needs that may present.
The Assessment and Planning session is payable in advance and the fee for this is £120. The full cost of the six sessions is £620 and £500 is payable at completion.
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